New Year's Eve

If no one knows, it isn’t real

You stand behind me in the mirror, smiling 

I step into my shoes

You drape the vest over my shoulders

Lipstick smeared on–one final touch

I meet your eyes in the mirror

Hoping this time I’ll say please… stop

Just in time for your hooks to tighten in my flesh

Smile for the camera because nothing is wrong 

The audience loves an underdog 

But only when she’s not at fault

You drag me to the stage

You put my limbs in place

Then take your place in the shadows

They love me, they really love me

The thought crosses my mind just in time

To remember: they don’t know me

They don’t know anything

They’re here for a show

And I’m performing

But they don’t know

They don’t know my shoes are made of cement fear

Or my vest of lead guilt 

They don’t know you keep me 

Locked away, with no chance of seeing the light 

Worshipping at the altar of your darkest thoughts

And my deepest fears

They don’t know about the whispered bargains to be alive again

Or the pleas to the universe to let him lose interest 

They don’t know the stage was set against me

They don’t see the phantom of a girl in front of them–

Once the life of the party, now gasping for breath

A soul set ablaze to be unknowingly turned to dust

The script doesn’t change 

The edits never come 

We’ve read the same page so many times

The words lost meaning

With hopeless wishes this is a cruel dream 

Scattering like sand in the wind,

Left behind by a most forgetful Sandman. 

The lights come up

Prayers unrealized

Their joy echoes through my mind

Oxygen vacates the room

Applause, applause

The walls tilt in

Your voice booms:

Ladies and Gentlemen, a round of applause– 

Welcome to the third annual worst year of our lives